Of good cops and bad cops
"Married couples that have an addicted child tend to fall into roles.
There is the “good cop” and the “bad cop”."
Or do they?
Often there are couples that display a different dynamic. The tough cop is comfortable as long as he is the only tough cop.
He can rely on the fact that his partner will try to “love” their child from the addiction, thus he doesn’t have to. The task of compassion is placed squarely on the shoulders of the good cop and bad cop likes it that way. He can put on the tough cop face and rest easy. Good cop will beg and plead for softness and from his throne he can approve or deny these emotional requests.
But…(there is always a but) …When the “good cop” begins to toughen up, the bad cop is faced with a dilemma. He truly must have to remain “stern” but now does not have the “wiggle room” which was formerly provided by his once “softer” mate.
If everyone is playing the “bad cop” role (tough love or whatever we wish to call it) the ability to have loopholes dissipate and the roles of the parents often change. The whole battlefield is rearranged.
Consequences may happen too quickly for even the “tough” cop’s taste.
Do other parents think this happens? What role do you play? Even those that are single parents have to play multiple roles on different days.